What I didn't know about Adulting

I knew adulting was hard. I was in college for 5 years, so I kinda knew what it was like. I was not expecting how different adulting would be once you were married. I am now responsible for another person. He knows how to feed himself and he does, he knows how to clean and he does, but I still want to take care of him. I enjoy cooking for him and trying to make him feel happy. 

But I wasn't expecting how much we would support each other. He is always trying to make sure I'm happy and I'm always trying to make sure he is happy. Or if not happy, satisfied. And he does the same for me. 

I wasn't prepared for how much I would need him. I was taught to try and be independent, mostly because life is uncertain. You never know if you will get married. I did and now I am surprised by how much I need him, how much I depend on him. I loved hugs, but being held was sometimes too much. Now all I want is to be held by him. Sometimes while he is at work is when I miss him the most, it makes me want to be held even more.

Marriage is a gift from God and it is certainly the best gift He has given me thus far. This man that he gave me is better than what I was wanting or expecting. 

When Trying for a Baby Hurts

Me and my husband have only been married since June. We have been trying for a baby since we've been married. I know that some people cannot get pregnant for several months, but it is still painful. Here is why:

My husband's mother recently asked if we were trying for a baby, almost implying that there is something wrong with either of us if we can't right away. I have friends asking when I am getting pregnant, as if we were not trying. 

Everything is in God's timing and I know that. But it doesn't make it hurt less when you cannot live up to expectations. Then, of course, there is the heartbreak that goes along with it. This time I was excited and I will be honest, my hopes were up pretty high. They came crashing down and I've been depressed all of this morning. I sent my husband, who is at work, a text letting him know I wasn't. That is also a source of sadness for me, he really wants us to have a baby. It broke his heart last time when I wasn't pregnant. Now I dread letting him know just because I know it will hurt.

Today I have four classes to teach. I'm also not feeling well physically, so I may need to skip the last two. The first two I have to teach, one is a one time class and the other, it's only the second class. So, I want to be sure that I teach the second and third before I even think about missing due to pain or illness. 

If you are a friend or family member who is constantly asking when someone is going to get pregnant, please reconsider. Some people are infertile or have trouble having a baby. Asking if people are "even trying" is not only insensitive, it's rude. It causes more pain than anything, it doesn't really help. 

Illness and online teaching

Is illness still a valid reason to miss teaching online? I would propose that yes, it is a valid reason. If you are sick enough that you are unable to focus, you should not be teaching any kind of material. I bring this up because today I am feeling sick. Sick from what? I am nauseous and unable to focus on almost anything. 

I canceled both my classes today and uploaded a video of the lesson in the moments when I felt good enough to do it. All my students and their parents were very compassionate and understanding. Part of the reason is probably because I have never missed a class and have been between 5-15 minutes early on a regular basis. 

Are you a bad teacher because you miss a class due to illness? No. Sometimes you just can't make it to class, no matter how badly you want to. 

Outschool, Tutoring, American Sign Language

I have started tutoring American Sign Language. I offer classes as well that cover the basics along with culture and grammar. 

Here is an overview of my classes:

One Time classes: These range between 15-20 dollars depending on how long I've been teaching it. 

Classes:

How do I Sign: Animals

How do I Sign: Animals (Ages 10-13)

The Alphabet in a Day: ASL Crash Course

How do I Sign: Foods

Multi-Day Classes: These range from $48-$150

ASL Interpreting: All about ITP programs

ASL Beginner

ASL: Level 2

ASL Kids Class (6-10)

Ongoing Classes: $15 a week

American Sign Language Chat: Eat, Drink, and Sign. 

Flex Classes: The one I have in progress is $200 for 10 weeks. 

WIP

What is Outschool like? We use Zoom to teach the classes and a message board to interact with the students. I love teaching on this site. They do take a 30% listing fee. I set aside 20% for my taxes and 10% for tithe at church, so a total of 60% comes out of my paycheck. 

I am mainly using Outschool to pay off my student loans and to add into savings for emergencies. My husband just started work, so it is always good to have a backup plan. 

Porn, Wayfair, sex trafficking.

Today I'd like to discuss some difficult topics. Porn, Sex trafficking, and the Wayfair scandal. I will handle these individually then discuss them as a whole. 

Porn ruins lives and marriages. I watched it ruin lives and marriages. The porn industry is vile and causes men and women to search for the wrong things in a relationship. The louder the sex doesn't necessarily mean its more enjoyable.

Sex trafficking fuels the porn industry. It uses women, men, and children to satisfy the desires of perverts and evil men. I've heard some say that making prostitution legal would stop sex trafficking. What about children? There will always be creepy pedophiles who want to have sex with children. So, maybe prostitution would be on the rise, but the children would still be taken advantage of. 

Wayfair. Wayfair had cabinets that were too expensive with the names of missing children. When their SKU number was looked up on a Russian website, pictures of children in provocative clothes were shown. Wayfair investigated itself and found itself not guilty. Which is shady, by the way. An outside company should be investigating these allegations. "They wouldn't do that, its too public!" Most sex trafficking is.

This nation needs to repent and believe the gospel before it's too late. We are far deeper in this wickedness than any of us realize.   

Update

I graduated college in the midst of Covid-19. I finished out my semester online. I faced many issues like other people do, I lost my job at the library (which I loved), I was forced to wear a mask (Despite the fact my asthma makes it hard to breath (I'm allergic to mold, mildew is a trigger as well)), I had to search desperately for new jobs, I had a big move, and I also got married!

I was married on June 5th, 2020 in Texas. My church was in a county that had looser restrictions on churches and businesses. We were able to get married in the church with quite a few friends and family there. While his family was unable to come down, we still had a lovely wedding. 

I did pick up a job in April, I am teaching on an online platform called Outschool.com. This platform caters to children between the ages of 3-18. I teach mainly between the ages of 5-15. I am teaching American Sign Language. This was not my ideal plan, but in the state of Texas the only people currently allowed to interpret are BEI level 5 or CODAs. Since I am not even certified at level one, I am opting for teaching until I can certify. When I do certify, I plan on interpreting mainly church services. 

Since I've been married we moved about 5 hours away from my parents and 27 hours away from my husband's. It's been really hard on him because he lived in the same place for 24 years. He needs prayer as he is also looking hard for a job. A lot of places here are on a hiring freeze. (Texas) He is looking for anything at this point. 

I need prayer as well because I have been missing my family. My older sister is my best friend and she is one year older than me (26), I miss my two brothers (14, 16), and my baby sister (3, almost 4). I also miss my family quite a bit. 

Also, with each new milestone in my life, I miss my Nana. She died on October 2012. She wasn't there for either graduation, my first, second, or third jobs, she wasn't there for my marriage or first house. I often describe her as my superhero. We got along great and I miss her a lot. The hardest was when we were planning the wedding. All I could think of was how much I wanted Nana to be there. 

Me and my new husband could use lots of prayer as we try and figure out what direction our lives are heading in. We also need prayer on making sure everything is about the glory of God. 

Panic Attacks and College

I have panic attacks. Sometimes they happen when I'm doing the most mundane thing. For example: I can be doing homework and suddenly it will hit. I will worry about everyone I know, all the homework due, my Capstone project, and everything else I need to do this semester.

It is not a conscious choice. I usually breath heavily, my heart flutters like it wants to stop beating, my vision tunnels, and I need to sit very still. Sometimes I need to lay down, sometimes I need to knit, sometimes I need to sleep. At night, I usually pray as hard as I can until it's gone. That is generally the principle during the day as well.

How do I manage this in class? I start to doodle usually, or I focus on something else. Sometimes it is someone else's conversation, praying for someone elses problems, texting someone if it's before class or after class, or using other distraction techniques. Sometimes I also sit in the bathroom doing deep breathing exercises until it passes.

This semester I've already had 4 panic attacks. I could use prayers and if anyone has any techniques, I would be glad to hear them.