Being home

Since I have been home, I've met more people than I thought I could. My dad is an elder at this church, and I have met some of the church members. Some of them I knew, but most of them I didn't. I have been home for about four days and have been massively overwhelmed.

However, I met a Deaf woman at church and it has been a pleasure to communicate with her. She came right up to me and started signing, it is well known in this church that I've been learning. She was happy that I could sign and I was happy to have a Deaf friend here.

I have started sending out emails to different interpreting agencies to see what their screening processes are like. I am going to try and take the certification anyway, but in the meantime I am going to make sure to practice often. I also plan on being with the Deaf community until then.

I still would like to work with elderly people. I feel like I could at least volunteer at nursing homes and other places that cater directly to the elderly.

I am also still applying at non-profits in Texas. I am hoping that I can find work here in some sphere with Deaf people specifically. 

Why I'm considering a different major

I started questioning if I wanted to be an interpreter this year. I have been in my classes and struggled with them since I got here. I have noticed an early burn out in myself and I am not sure I can handle this major as it stands. Here are some reasons why:

1. I am an introvert and this program chews us up and spits us out.
2. I've been struggling with my mental health since the second semester of my first year when I was sexually harassed. Then I was in a toxic situation with a roommate the next semester that sent me in a downward spiral that I've been struggling to get out of since.
3. I only ever wanted communication. I never wanted anything more than that. Interpreting was other people's dream for me. I convinced myself it was my own.
4. I can still work with Deaf people, I just am not sure this major is right for me.
5. I can't afford college.

The ones that have affected me the most are numbers 1, 2, and 3. The last two are important, but not as important as the first three. The hardest part about this will be telling my dad. My dad is my hero, I respect him. But the problem is, he tends to take things too personally. So, I already told my mom. She supports me in whatever I do. I am writing a letter to my dad because that's easier for him to read through. Sometimes certain tones or looks makes him feel challenged even though that's not what my intent is. Letters are easier and less intimidating.

I know I'm about to be the biggest disappointment there is. But I guess my therapist can hear all about it while I'm still here. 

Shy People and ASLIE programs

When I first started on my road to learning American Sign Language, I was not intending on becoming an interpreter. I am shy and considered that it may be a setback for interpreting. I did not think I could get around my limitations.

The sad fact is that my ASL interpreting program did nothing to dissuade me from that thought process. I still applied and made it into my interpreting program, I have made it to my third year. However, they are not friendly towards introverts or shy individuals. As I have gone through my program they have led me to believe that I would be no good at my job. Many teachers even questioned if I'd make it to my third year.

But as I've gone through this program I have met individuals that are shy/introverted who are successful interpreters.  There are not many of us, but we are the few who have defied expectations. A quote from my one teacher, "When I first started interpreting, I would puke in the bathroom before each assignment. I am very introverted, so it is possible for shy people to do this job." And a quote from another professor, "It isn't me speaking, it is the Deaf person. That mentality has helped me a lot as I suffer from extreme anxiety."

So, honestly, don't allow anyone to tell you that just because you are shy, that you cannot interpret. It is possible, it just means we have to try harder than other people.

My second year, I almost dropped out. After spring semester, I was worn out. I was tired, stressed, and felt like it was impossible. My advisor set me up to interpret for a Deaf woman at a church camp. Initially, I was only supposed to be doing conversations. I ended up doing church services. Those three weeks were what revived my desire to be with and interpret for the Deaf community. I had to be reminded why I was doing it.

Access to speech, church services, conversations, and presentations are a human need. Equal access is important because without it, where are we? Even as hearing people, we feel left out. Imagine what it is like to not even understand the language, yet still have the feeling of being left out.

This is easy for me to write in my fall semester when I get a TON of breaks. However, in the spring semester I'm sure I'll go through all the same doubts and fears that I did last year. I know spring is rough, but hang in there. Maybe we can all make it out together.