The New Year

I don't usually make new year resolutions. They are one of the things that very few people can keep up with. Am I going to make them this year? Yeah. I feel like they are important, it's just something I've always been cynical about.

Here are my new year resolutions:

1. Make friends with more Deaf people
2. Finish my last semester strong
3. Move to Texas to be with my family.
4. Learn new recipes
5. Visit my Canadian friends
6. Learn to be more feminine.
-I feel like I need to expound more on this. I would like to be more feminine. Not because anyone has told me to, but because I think I should. I have always been a little rough and since living in NY I have gotten a little rougher. I would at least like my appearance to be more feminine even if my personality is more rough and tumble.
7. Read my bible more and pray.
-This past year I have been very lax with keeping up with this. I have not been and it's been detrimental to my spiritual health.

Being home

Since I have been home, I've met more people than I thought I could. My dad is an elder at this church, and I have met some of the church members. Some of them I knew, but most of them I didn't. I have been home for about four days and have been massively overwhelmed.

However, I met a Deaf woman at church and it has been a pleasure to communicate with her. She came right up to me and started signing, it is well known in this church that I've been learning. She was happy that I could sign and I was happy to have a Deaf friend here.

I have started sending out emails to different interpreting agencies to see what their screening processes are like. I am going to try and take the certification anyway, but in the meantime I am going to make sure to practice often. I also plan on being with the Deaf community until then.

I still would like to work with elderly people. I feel like I could at least volunteer at nursing homes and other places that cater directly to the elderly.

I am also still applying at non-profits in Texas. I am hoping that I can find work here in some sphere with Deaf people specifically. 

Going home

For Christmas this year I am going home. Where is home for me? Texas. It feels funny for me to call Texas home again, but life gets weird sometimes. My family moved during the first couple months of the semester. So, now Texas is my home yet again.

My parents and siblings went as far as to say I didn't need to buy them anything. That all they wanted was for me to come home. Am I buying presents anyway? Of course. In my opinion, my presence may be nice, but I still love bringing gifts.

I'm ready to see my family and friends down south. I am also ready to meet new friends and try to become re-acquainted with the church I knew.

However, packing has been interesting. I made myself a list and I am almost finished packing. I have some stuff in my car that I need to get out before I go home tomorrow. Friday morning I fly out freakishly early, so I'm going to my current hometown to get a ride from a church member there.

I am afraid of flying. For Christmas I am flying alone to Texas. I have never done that before and am terrified. I trust that God will get me there safe, but I have a tendency towards worry. Which is a vice I need to get over. My father said he would call me when I landed at a large airport so he could talk me through it.

My adventure in interpreting is almost over, but I am keeping this blog. My adventures with the Deaf, Deaf people, and Deaf culture is never going to run out. I'm simply switching gears until I can get a handle on where I am supposed to be. 

End of semester scramble

At the end of the semester, life starts to get a little crazy. I managed to finish all my ASL work before 12 today and I now only have two finals left. Both are written assignments and are due next week. I am going home today where I don't have internet, so I was making sure all the stuff due this week was turned in.

I am also transferring to a different college within my university, so I will be graduating in the spring. Between that and all my finals, life has gotten a little crazy. I also have a gastroenterology appointment on Friday and then next week I leave for Texas to visit my family for Christmas break.

I am still coughing from my previous illness, so I could use some prayers. My cough is mostly due to my lungs recovering at this point. I have asthma and my lung recovery tends to take a little longer than most people.

Illness

For the past week I've had pneumonia. Ironically, this was the first illness where every professor had pity because of the coughing. All of them understand my asthma problems combined with pneumonia causes a gross and possibly deadly mix.

I went to the doctor because my father told me to. I was talking to him on the phone and he said, "Sam, you need to go to the doctor TODAY." So, I did as I was told. It was a good thing I did because I had a breathing treatment and a steroid shot. They also gave me a fever reducer to try and help, as I had an 102 fever.

I finished my steroid and I believe it is just the antibiotic I am finishing up. I still have the awful cough, but it is finally starting to go away. It is worst at night and first thing in the morning. But we're getting there.

I have also officially decided to switch majors. I am switching to a different school, it will be a general Bachelors of Science degree. I will also finish in the Spring of 2020.

I am hoping to work with the older Deaf community and be an advocate for their wellness and care. I am hoping that I can impact that community and cause their care to become superior. 

What I've learned about Interpreting.

When I first started this major, I did not have a full understanding of what it meant to be an interpreter. I had seen spoken language interpreters from the time I was young and I had seen sign language interpreters on and off throughout my life. I thought I knew what they did, but I was wrong.

When I started taking my American Sign Language (ASL) classes, I thought interpreting would be easy. It was simply doing word for word from English to sign and sign to English, right? No. Then I attended my first Deaf event. I was a level 1 ASL student which is the equivalent to level 0. I had very basic understanding. When I arrived, I was lost. I found the table, but I had no idea what was going on.

It seemed very loud, but when I looked around it was quiet in the restaurant. The visual noise sounded like auditory noise to me. The ASL 4 student that saw me there was impressed because I came. Almost nobody from my level would come to the Deaf events. I had a very basic understanding of sign. That day I learned so many new signs and my receptive skills were tested. I loved it. But it wasn't interpreting.

When I got to ASL 3+4 (combo class) I was considered talented in my receptive. I could understand at a level 6 level but could only produce at a level 4 level. It appears that my ability with oral languages has translated into my signed languages. An ability to understand and retain, but an inability to produce.

When I finally got to the college I am at now, I did pass all my ASL classes and still have. But when I started my first real interpreting class, I started to drown. The process of interpreting is very difficult and is not for the weak of heart or mind. You need an exceptional grasp of the vocabulary and vocal range.

Interpreting isn't just language mediation. It is also cultural mediation, expressing emotions accurately, conveying jokes that might not translate, and making human connections. If you aren't good at one of those things, it can skew the entire message.

Interpreting is hard, exhausting, but rewarding. Everyone should have the opportunity to take interpreting classes, even if they never become interpreters. 

Transcribing vs Captioning

Today I'd like to clarify the difference between transcribing and captioning. I was recently credited in a movie for some transcription I did. When it was shared, everyone kept saying I captioned it. I didn't caption it. So, today I want to clarify those two terms.

Captioning is when you have the sentences at the bottom of the screen (or top) when the person is speaking. This is a real-time form of transcription. However, it isn't just a list of what is being said and by whom with time stamps.

Transcribing is when you have a list of sentences/paragraphs of the person speaking along with time stamps. For example:

00.10-01.20: When I started to learn ASL I wanted to do it because I watched Switched at Birth. This was fascinating to me because of all the Deaf characters and the interpreters. I decided I wanted to do the same thing.

01:20-2:20: (Another paragraph)

That is transcribing. It looks much different than captioning. Personally, transcribing is much easier. I find captioning to be very difficult, especially syncing them to the video. For the reason, I don't usually caption. I am teaching myself now, but it isn't an easy process. Transcribing is simpler and I don't find as difficult. 

Why I'm considering a different major

I started questioning if I wanted to be an interpreter this year. I have been in my classes and struggled with them since I got here. I have noticed an early burn out in myself and I am not sure I can handle this major as it stands. Here are some reasons why:

1. I am an introvert and this program chews us up and spits us out.
2. I've been struggling with my mental health since the second semester of my first year when I was sexually harassed. Then I was in a toxic situation with a roommate the next semester that sent me in a downward spiral that I've been struggling to get out of since.
3. I only ever wanted communication. I never wanted anything more than that. Interpreting was other people's dream for me. I convinced myself it was my own.
4. I can still work with Deaf people, I just am not sure this major is right for me.
5. I can't afford college.

The ones that have affected me the most are numbers 1, 2, and 3. The last two are important, but not as important as the first three. The hardest part about this will be telling my dad. My dad is my hero, I respect him. But the problem is, he tends to take things too personally. So, I already told my mom. She supports me in whatever I do. I am writing a letter to my dad because that's easier for him to read through. Sometimes certain tones or looks makes him feel challenged even though that's not what my intent is. Letters are easier and less intimidating.

I know I'm about to be the biggest disappointment there is. But I guess my therapist can hear all about it while I'm still here. 

Cued Speech: What it is and What it isn't.

There is a lot of controversy in the Deaf communities and Interpreting communities about cued speech. Cued speech is a method of communication/learning that is like captioning for the mouth. For a full explanation of cued speech, here is the link.

Cued speech is often used in the school settings when teaching the child basic English language skills. Cued speech has been proven to help teach Deaf kids how to read and write. It can also help with English language development. HOWEVER, not all Deaf kids can learn to speak. That is important to remember when using ANY oral or signed system.

Cued Speech is NOT its own language and should not be used as one. Cued is showing English on the face, or like I said before, captions on the face. It simply helps with lipreading and phonics. Like anything, it is not an End All, Be All type of thing.

Babies are Still Murdered Here

Today I'd like to talk about Abortion. I know this isn't a fun topic and is often a heated topic. If you're a Taylor Swift fan, you may have seen her music video for "Calm Down" which had signs similar to the Babies are Murdered Here signs.

Where do I stand? I am an abolitionist. What does that mean? Abolitionism is often a term seen in relation to slavery. Some pro-birth people now call themselves abolitionists because they want abortion to be abolished. Which means, gone completely. Why do I believe this? Lets go into details on that.

We call abortion murder but we (the pro life movement) does not follow that to its natural conclusion. If Abortion is truly murder and we see life at conception, that means we need to try it in a court of law as murder. I do not count manslaughter as a charge that should be made, unless the woman clearly didn't know. (The doctor lied, it was forced, she has documented mental challenges) To be clear: If the woman was forced, the man gets the charges/whoever forced her. The woman should NOT be charged if it wasn't within her understanding or knowledge.

What is the charge I am proposing? First Degree murder. I believe this because first degree implies malice of forethought. When you have an abortion, you go to an appointment, pay the doctor, leave and think about it. Sometimes you see the ultrasound. Then you go back to the doctors appointment, have the abortion, and pay the rest. What you just did was pay the hitman to kill your baby. That is murder.

"But it isn't illegal!"  Well, neither was slavery. "Not my body, not my problem."  Not my slave, not my problem. "It isn't a person!"  Am I not a man and a brother?

Margarete Sanger was a flaming racist who wanted to inniahlate Black communities. Guess where the most Planned Parenthoods are? "It's only 3-10% of what they do!"  It's okay. Homicide isn't the only thing Ted Bundy did. (=

That being said, the pro life movement has failed. They block legislation that could end abortion in specific states. Watch this documentary to see: Babies Are Still Murdered Here

Have a blessed day

Choosing a different path

I can't afford college if we're being real. The class that I'm likely to fail is a prerequisite to many of my classes next semester. These classes also aren't offered during the summer. I am starting to think about a different option that has to do with Deaf people.

If there is one thing I've learned in class, it's that it is a disservice to Deaf people to continue if you're bad at it. And right now, I may be good at the language, but interpreting is a totally different animal. And I'm not sure I can wrestle that animal. 

My lisp and how it effects my classwork

If I'm honest this bothers me more than it should. I have a lisp that will sometimes manifest itself under times of extreme stress. I had an exam for my Interpreting class and got my grade back this weekend. One of the feedbacks I got was that sometimes my speech was unclear. This was after I explained what probably happened in my analysis. I can pinpoint exactly where my speech was unclear because I could hear my lisp. 

To be clear, I got a 57 on the test and now have a failing grade in the class. We have 3 tests that are weighted very heavily. Most of my failing grade is because of production and not because of information missed. I got 80-90% of the information but my production wasn't the best. I spoke to fast and my lisp returned with a vengeance. 

I saw this grade this morning right before my ASL class. I was completely off, so much so that even the people I didn't know that well noticed. My teacher was also unusually gentle with me. I was extremely fragile at that moment. If she had been unkind I probably would've burst into tears. I also haven't felt well in almost a week.

So, today I called off work and my final class of the day. I went back to my grandfather's house, climbed into bed, and slept for 7 hours. I allowed my depression to take control momentarily and slept like the dead. My stomach is still achy, but my emotions are in slightly better shape than they were earlier. 

I also met with my advisor today and discussed a leave of absence. With my stomach issues and continuing medical problems, it may end up being a necessity. I'm just hoping I can even finish school. I've spent too long getting to this point and don't want to fail now. 

Anyone ever feel like they're being used?

I think everyone has that one friend in college. They always want rides, depend on you too heavily, are always asking to hang out. I never liked being that friend, at one point in my life I probably was. I felt like I was anyway, my friends always told me I wasn't a bother. (I think I only asked for rides a few times, I usually liked to try and figure it out on my own.)

Well, currently I have a friend like this. She is always wanting rides from me, companionship, or affirmation. I didn't realize, when getting into this friendship, that I'd end up being her only source of friendship. I've encouraged interaction beyond me, but she doesn't seem to understand that I really am not required to help her.

If I decide to refuse to give her a ride somewhere or make her take the bus, she becomes agitated. Thankfully I don't live with her. She has also been open with the fact that she gossips about me to her friends. She usually uses cuss words to describe my behavior, even though I RARELY refuse to help her. The only time she "accepts" it is if I'm sick.

I can't think of a graceful way to end this friendship. We are in 90% of the same classes. I am trying to find sections of classes I need that are separate from hers so I don't need to deal with her 24/7.

I do feel like I'm being used. I know if I told her she'd find a way to turn it back on me. So, I've decided to remain quiet. I've given rides to other friends before and they've always been nice about it. Even if I need to back out, I tell them hours beforehand so they can find another ride. I've even negotiated rides with other people just so they wouldn't be left without help.

This friend says things then, "I'm joking". I have a feeling I accidentally placed myself in the hands of a bully and I can't get myself out of it. It's a super weird position to be in. 

Men in the interpreting field

In a woman dominated field, where do men fit? I would love to see more men in this field because there are so few. In my graduating class we will have 3, which is a miracle. In the one before mine there is 1. The one before that there were 3. 

But how many of the men that go through my college for interpreting, stay with interpreting? That is a number we aren't as familiar with. My peer mentor decided to dual major in psychology because he wasn't sure he wanted to stay with interpreting. One interpreting student I know switched his major from interpreting to psychology while in his program, he wanted to be a psychologist instead.

But let me make this clear: Female interpreters wish there were more male interpreters in the field. We want male interpreters in the field. They bring other skills to the field that some of us may not have. There is also a large demand for male interpreters, especially in the medical field. That being said, we also need straight male teachers. The only straight male teacher I had for ASL was in my third semester, second year. He was one of the best teachers I've had to this point. His signing was sometimes sloppy, but my receptive skills improved more than with any other teacher. His feedback was fantastic and he always made sure to stick around after class to help me with my upcoming presentation.

I haven't had a teacher do that since. I now have an Interpreting 1 professor who is awesome, he does not teach ASL. He is also one of my favorite teachers because he takes the time to meet with students and help them improve.

So, honestly. Teaching, interpreting. Men, we need you in this field. Please, please, please start considering this as a valid option. 

ASLIE programs and new hidden illnesses.

I would like to discuss how some teachers in an interpreting program handle new illnesses.

(As a disclaimer: I'm aware having a doctors note is the standard for missing class. However, when it is a new illness and you have an appointment with a specialist, that should count in place of a note.)

Most of my teachers have been good when it comes to sickness. When I do get sick, I provide a note if it's bad enough that I can't come to class, but can see a doctor. However, I have had an stomach ailment for about 3 months now. I went to the doctor when it started (stomach pain, vomiting, frequent trips to the bathroom) and they thought it was appendicitis or gallbladder. They did not find anything, so I was given pro-biotics and sent home. The pro-biotics did not help.

So, I went to the doctor again and they gave me a referral to the gastroenterologist. I will be seeing them next month. Last time I went to the doctor, they told me it was a stomach flu. The lady told me this after she reviewed everything, then told me it should only last about a week.

She ignored the fact I had this for over 2 months. So, this all leads up to my point: I currently have a hidden illness that doctors can't really pinpoint. Does that mean its fake? No. I can bring a sample of my stool if that's really what they want. I recently had to miss my ASL class which is in the morning. I have only missed once and I provided a note. The teacher acted annoyed that I missed her class and reminded me of a need for a note if I want it to be excused. Which is logical, however, if I go to the doctor, what are they going to tell me? That I have had the stomach flu for 3 months? That I need to go on the BRAT diet? (Bananas, rice, (a?), Toast) Which I have done off and on, but you can't really survive off of that forever.

I have a class tonight where attendance is required. Healing my body throughout the day is necessary so I can do that.

How can I let a teacher know at the beginning of the semester that I have a problem, if even the doctors don't know what it is?

Sexual Harrassment talks: Why are they necessary?

TW: Sexual Harassment, Rape, suicide

When arriving on my campus, I noticed that there were a lot more men than woman. I wasn't too worried at first, I grew up with men. I always got along better with guys, and orientation was no exception. Looking back on orientation now, there was one orientation leader who was way too friendly. So much so that my orientation leader wouldn't leave me alone with him. Not that I wanted to be near him anyway, he was acting very unusual.

My second semester I started a dance class. It all went well, there was this one guy who was super attentive and flirty. At first, I was flattered and amused. Flirting is hilarious to me, so I would laugh. Did you know that can be taken as flirting back? I was unaware. He also started to put his hands places where he shouldn't of. It wasn't necessary for the dance, which I only know because my teacher had to keep moving his hands.

The last day of classes was when it all came to a head. He came on hard, placed his hands places he shouldn't while making comments I did not feel comfortable with. It got to the point where I was afraid he might try and rape me. I had never felt that way about a man before, that he could and would hurt me. I did throw a punch, he dodged it and backed right off. After class he left like his pants were on fire.

To this day I am still bothered by it. I can't walk to my car at night anymore without my heart racing. What if he's there? What if I can't get away this time? When walking near the frats, I find myself walking a little faster with my eyes on the ground. Hoping that if he does happen to be there, he won't recognize me.

I was angry for days afterward. I couldn't get over it. I even wrote out a "note" and than deleted it from my computer.

My class recently had a sexual harassment talk. I think they are necessary, but why are we giving this presentation to the girls? I don't need to be told that it's wrong, I am well aware. I don't need to be reminded how to stay alert, I never stopped. We need to give these talks to our young men so these situations don't happen. And we need to teach them how to intervene if they see something happening.

Maybe everyone needs these talks, but I think the way we go about doing them is a bit off. 

Shy People and ASLIE programs

When I first started on my road to learning American Sign Language, I was not intending on becoming an interpreter. I am shy and considered that it may be a setback for interpreting. I did not think I could get around my limitations.

The sad fact is that my ASL interpreting program did nothing to dissuade me from that thought process. I still applied and made it into my interpreting program, I have made it to my third year. However, they are not friendly towards introverts or shy individuals. As I have gone through my program they have led me to believe that I would be no good at my job. Many teachers even questioned if I'd make it to my third year.

But as I've gone through this program I have met individuals that are shy/introverted who are successful interpreters.  There are not many of us, but we are the few who have defied expectations. A quote from my one teacher, "When I first started interpreting, I would puke in the bathroom before each assignment. I am very introverted, so it is possible for shy people to do this job." And a quote from another professor, "It isn't me speaking, it is the Deaf person. That mentality has helped me a lot as I suffer from extreme anxiety."

So, honestly, don't allow anyone to tell you that just because you are shy, that you cannot interpret. It is possible, it just means we have to try harder than other people.

My second year, I almost dropped out. After spring semester, I was worn out. I was tired, stressed, and felt like it was impossible. My advisor set me up to interpret for a Deaf woman at a church camp. Initially, I was only supposed to be doing conversations. I ended up doing church services. Those three weeks were what revived my desire to be with and interpret for the Deaf community. I had to be reminded why I was doing it.

Access to speech, church services, conversations, and presentations are a human need. Equal access is important because without it, where are we? Even as hearing people, we feel left out. Imagine what it is like to not even understand the language, yet still have the feeling of being left out.

This is easy for me to write in my fall semester when I get a TON of breaks. However, in the spring semester I'm sure I'll go through all the same doubts and fears that I did last year. I know spring is rough, but hang in there. Maybe we can all make it out together.